Will the Real Ebola Virus Please Stand Up?

Ebola my dreams

I was just reading one recent article on the Ebola outbreak on CNN.com (“Ebola outbreak ‘running much faster’ than response“), which begins with such quotes from Peter Piot, a microbiologist and one of a team of scientists who originally discovered the virus in 1976 as, “…I continue to be worried that the response to the epidemic is really running behind the virus.” and talk of “unimaginable catastrophe”, while at the end stating, “I’m not worried about an epidemic in the larger population.”

So which is it?  Should I be buying my entire family hazmat suits for this coming Holiday Season or should I just shrug, say what a shame it is that people are dying and go about my business? Why is it that we seem as divided over the issues as we are on politics in the United States?

I have a theory…

The theory is that the Ebola virus is divided into two strains:  the highly-deadly one (which I will refer to as the Ebola virus) and the completely infectious one (which I will refer to as the “Ebola virus” – in quotes).

The first strain is the one discovered by the same scientists taken highly out of context in this shameful aforementioned article.  It is a deadly virus that is spread not through the air but through direct contact with infected bodily fluids.  Piot’s concerns were not about widespread global infection but in a more localized area within three African countries:  Guinea, Liberia and Sierra Leone.  And while difficult to contain, it can, ultimately be contained through knowledge, communication and appropriate standard preventative medical procedures.  Scary stuff, nonetheless?  Absolutely…in fact, I’m taking the family trip to Liberia off our travel plans for this coming year.

There is, however, a second strain of Ebola that no one seems to be addressing directly, and while it’s not quite as deadly, it is even more infectious than its previously-mentioned counterpart.  I’m talking about the “Ebola virus”; the almost constant stream of mis-information, out of context reporting and sensationalized fear-tactics throughout the media, be it right-leaning, left-leaning or otherwise.  This strain is wide-spread on a global basis and regular, everyday people are having a hard enough time keeping up with which “Peter crying wolf”-related soundbites have even a kernel of useful, practical information within them.  In fact, my own concern is that the people who are attempting to process such information cannot keep up with the rate at which it’s being supplied.

Fortunately, there are several easy cure for the “Ebola virus”.  First of all, instead of labeling headlines as “Ebola outbreak ‘running much faster’ than response“, try using “West African nations struggle to contain Ebola outbreak”, which is a lot more true to what Piot was really saying.  Secondly, if you see any Ebola-related items through your various interconnected newsfeeds, do not under any circumstances “share” them (sharing is a nice way of saying “infecting”) with your friends (victims) on any social media, whatsoever – don’t even complain about it to them! Lastly, perhaps the best cure for this highly-infectious disease may just be a few well-placed power outages, because sometimes the worst viruses are spread socially through the internet.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to decontaminate my entire body and my laptop a la Karen Silkwood.

Illuminati Considering Adding #KESocial Founder, Adam J. Kovitz to its Ranks

LEVITTOWN, PA:  While still only known to a relatively small group of professionals, #KESocial Founder, Adam J. Kovitz has been asked to join the venerable and secretive society of the elite and powerful – the Illuminati.

The invitation to Mr. Kovitz came as only one would expect from a shadowy global cabal of key individuals who control every machination of our society: a email addressed to undisclosed recipients from the Hotmail-based address of a mysterious figure identifying himself only as “Rev Lord Azimba”.

Rev Lord Azimba (visual approximation)

Lord Azimba’s letter is printed in its entirety:

Easy way to join the Illuminati brotherhood in the world.

Are you a business man or an artist,Politicians and you want to become big, Powerful and famous in the world, join us to become one of our official member today.you shall be given an ideal chance to visit the Illuminati and his representative after registrations is completed by you, no sacrifice or human life needed, Illuminati brotherhood brings along wealth and famous in life, you have a full access to eradicate poverty away from your life now.Become a member of the Great Illuminati and posses riches, connections and fame. all the power you ever wanted, don’t miss this opportunity grab it because there may not be another chance.

We open door of acceptance once in ten years, and few are chosen. I really congratulate you for this great offer on your door step. We choose people, people don’t choose us. You can be among the chosen this year. The great association as been in existence since May 1, 1776 named The Illuminati (aka Bavarian Illuminati). What does this mean? The name derives from the Latin illuminatur, which means “the enlightened” Who are the Illuminati? They are, in essence, a cartel or groups of elite people. These people are basically rich, intelligent, or possessed special skills of various kinds,we also help out our member in protection of drugs pushing

We make people great and we rule the world. many of the world’s political leaders & celebrities are members. When you become a member you will have the opportunity to be great and dine with great men from different nations. We rule every social part of the world, music, sports and politics, the second essential component is control of the media. It is controlled through business fashion. We choose men with potentials and we made them what they are today. We are here for you to make your dream come through; if you dream it you can achieve it.have more to know when you finally become a full member,get  back to us so that we can grant your heart desires by email.

Name: Rev Lord Azimba
Email: [withheld for privacy]

Described by many as the “white Al Roker”, Adam J. Kovitz is the Founder and CEO of #KESocial

When questioned as to whether or not he wanted to join “great association” to be among “many of the world’s political leaders & celebrities”, Mr. Kovitz responded,

It is truly an honor to be considered as a potential member into such an esteemed organization.  While it is true that I have had designs on an “easy way” to attain world domination for a while, I thought it best to first concentrate upon my small online marketing business and family.

In recent months, however, due to increased visibility and recognition, I have been asked to be interviewed for several podcasts and even voice my opinion on CBS’s daytime talkshow, “The Talk” regarding such weighty issues as “Am I okay if my wife gambles?” and “Have I ever accepted a dare, and if so, what happened?”.

It has become clear to me that what seems like coincidence, yet must be the sign of some “invisible hand” leading me towards greatness that I must accept my responsibility and take my place into such an esteemed organization as the Illuminati.

And furthermore, although a few names did immediately come to mind, I am really quite relieved that there is no “sacrifice or human life needed” (I don’t do well around the sight of blood).

So sign me up, and if there are any positions available with the titles “viceroy”, “grand vizier” or even “overlord”, I’m game.

At press time, Mr. Kovitz was seen booking a flight to San Francisco, holding some documents that appeared to be reservations for “Bohemian Grove” and repeatedly muttering words in what sounded only like Latin.

Chocolate-wrapper Wisdom

The chocolate in question (actual size)

I recently partook in a Dove-brand dark chocolate/mint swirl candy.  Aside from the usual satisfaction from having a piece of dark chocolate, I read the saying on the inside of the wrapper:

Indulge your sense of anticipation

OK…does anyone know what that statement really means?

I couldn’t help but wonder if Dove employs the same geniuses behind such profound fortune cookie gems as “Good things are coming your way” and “You like Chinese food”

In our high-paced world filled with lowest common denominator tactics, hyperbolic rhetoric and ADHD-laden continual distractions I think we as consumers should demand and expect more.

For starters, I think I would like another piece of chocolate…

Comcast routes call from the mentally-challenged of St. Mary Medical Center to Adam J. Kovitz

For those who are friendly with me on Facebook, you may know that my mother was recently hospitalized at our local St. Mary Medical Center in Bucks County, PA and has since been in recovery.

With that fact as background, I recently received a call to my home number but was unfortunately unavailable.

Thanks to the good people at Comcast who kindly provide our phone service, they kindly took the message for me with their state-of-the-art messaging system; one of the features being an email notification with written transcription using their state-of-the-art voice recognition system.

Here’s the actual beginning of the transcribed message:

Good afternoon my name is insane I’m calling on behalf Saint Mary’s medical Center…

From this, I can only surmise that:

1. St. Mary has become a mental institution since my mom’s last visit
2. They truly are an equal opportunity employer, or
3. They’re now Bucks County’s premiere hospital for the burgeoning field of EXTREME HEALTHCARE.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to research the best ways for a rational-minded individual to best communicate with one who claims to be insane.

Perhaps the good people at Comcast have some practical advise they can offer on this topic?  Otherwise, I may just have to check myself in to St. Mary.

Charmin Brand Bath Tissue Misses Adam J. Kovitz

The note from Charmin to Mr. Kovitz sent via checkout clerk

After his weekly food shopping at the local supermarket the other day, Adam J. Kovitz, CEO & Founder of #KESocial received a an urgent message from the checkout professional from his former bath tissue brand of choice: Charmin stating that he had been “missed”.

The well-known executive entrepreneur, father and husband had this to say:

Quite frankly, I haven’t contemplated my former relationship with Charmin in quite some time.  Not, at least, since the ‘great Kovitz stomach bug epidemic of 2010’, which (everyone knows) a tragedy of proportions not seen in some time.  It was even worse than 1998’s pre-children era return trip from Mexico.

For a brief moment in time, Mr. Kovitz seemed to become visibly overcome with emotion upon recalling the traumatic experience, yet bravely managed to go on:

Nonetheless, my reaction to receiving such a communication was mixed.  On one hand, one cannot deny the allure of the cute and cuddly, yet unnaturally-colored bears, the monetary incentive of a full $1.00 off our next purchase and the plea to “Enjoy the Go”, but at the same time one still can’t forget the tragic events of 1998 and 2010 – the horror is still, unfortunately, very real for everyone in our family.  It’s a tough thing to simply forgive, you know?

Whether or not Mr. Kovitz and his family will take the well-known bath tissue up on their generous offer or not still remains to be seen.  A shaken Mr. Kovitz abruptly had to depart the interview – his last words being:

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go see a man about a ‘horse’.

A message and offer from my friend and colleague…

As part of my own personal mission is to connect, educate and inspire others, from time to time I like to share my friends with the world.

My friend Oshana helps others in amazing ways:

How would more ease and well-being in your life affect your relationships and your work?

I help my clients do exactly that!

Of course, it often means different things to different people, and while results often vary, typical results include higher productivity, less stress, and more joy in all personal and professional endeavors.

In fact, one of my clients was having challenges in her work because her husband desired more time with her. As she was in a growth phase in her business, we worked together to set up a work schedule and to make sure that her husband had enough time with her as well.

My name is Oshana Himot and I am here to make a difference in your life. To set up an initial complementary session, call 480-353-7312 or email oshanaben@yahoo.com.

Fried Chicken, Same-sex Marriage and the Constitution of the United States

Recently, organizations like the Boy Scouts of America and Chick-Fil-A Restaurants went on record as being against same-sex marriage and justifying such decisions based upon their strong ethical and moral Judeo-Christian value system.

As a result, other companies have come out against Chick-Fil-A such as the Jim Henson Company who refuse any future licensing/partnering arrangements with them (I suppose until further notice).

Additionally the Mayor of Boston, Thomas M. Menino, responded to Chick-Fil-A’s stance, promising to prevent the opening of a new restaurant in town unless they “open up their policies”.

Now I tend to be a fairly liberal guy and am totally in favor of the argument for legalizing same-sex marriage so I certainly sympathize with the Henson Company and Mayor Menino, but the last time I checked, we live in a country where it is all citizens’ rights to have freedom of both speech and religion.

Verbally bash them all you want (I guess I am “guilty as charged” as well by posting a recent Onion article to one of my Pinterest boards – http://pinterest.com/pin/115123334195426407/). Ban them all you want – you certainly don’t have to eat there because of their values.

Here’s where I disagree, however, with Mayor Menino.  Just because a company is against same-sex marriage does not instantly mean that they hate gays, lesbians, etc.  They would never prevent a gay or lesbian person from eating at their establishment.  They do not willingly harm others or the environment, they just believe a certain way.

Therefore, as Mayor, you cannot stand in the way of a business from doing business within their own ethical and moral codes. It is simply unconstitutional – there is no law against any organization believing in a particular set of values.

In this case, I believe that we really do need to let the free market decide.

I can’t remember the last time that my family or I ever chose to eat at Ku Klux Klan Burger or Nazi-Fried Chicken. How about you?

A conversation in the car with my twins…

Sons #3 and #2 (L to R) during last year’s trip to Knoebels Park

So I’m driving Sons #2 and #3 (the twins, 9 yrs old – 10 in a month and a half) home last night from the gym and #3 says to me, “Dad…what if I told you I ONLY want musical instruments and HeroClix for my birthday?”

I told him that it seemed “fairly” reasonable and that his mom and I would do our best to honor his request.

Then #2 says, “Dad…what if I told you that I really don’t want anything right now other than just more money put into my savings account?”

I told him the same thing that I told #3.

Then #2 responds to me, “Yeah…because whenever you get something for us you just yell at us anyway for leaving it around the house.”

After a long and tiring day, that struck me funny and I laughed the rest of the way home.

Kovitz Enterprises launches temporary Knowledge Service to cover for Wikipedia protest blackout

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

January 17, 2012, Levittown, PA, USA:  In response to online encyclopedia Wikipedia’s decision to protest the controversial SOPA and PIPA bills by staging a 24 hour blackout of their English site on January 18, 2012, Kovitz Enterprises has launched the “KEWikineering Hotline” to make up for the temporary loss of access to knowledge that will be experienced by millions of internet users throughout the English-speaking world.

According to the Pew Foundation’s Internet & American Life Project, 36% of American internet users consult Wikipedia regularly.

By calling the toll free 800 number, the KEWikineering Hotline will offer a free 24 hour “answer service” to help all answer seekers, researchers, term paper writers, journalists and thesis writers during the blackout protest.

To make up for the nearly four million articles that will be briefly inaccessible, Kovitz Enterprises has hired fifteen new temporary employees to man the phones throughout the blackout period.  Founder and CEO, Adam J. Kovitz had this to say:

“We are honored to have this opportunity to cover for Wikipedia during their protest.  We have spared no expense and hired several experts from the greater Levittown metro area to provide the informational needs for all English-speaking people worldwide who need answers and need them now.  This is good for Kovitz Enterprises as a means to give back, it’s good for the local economy and its good for the world.”

When asked how all fifteen “wikineers” (as they’re affectionally called) can possibly handle the sheer volume of requests over the day, Mr. Kovitz simply responded:

“First of all, they’re going to work in shifts so no one falls asleep on the job while helping Mary with her term paper on ‘World’s Fairs and Expositions and their impact on innovation throughout the late 19th Century’.  Secondly, it’s amazing how motivated Levittowners are when you offer them some extra ‘beer money’.  What they don’t know outright, they can easily make up on the spot.”

The KEWikineering Hotline will be available worldwide from 12:00am through 11:59pm GMT-5 on January 18th by dialing 1-888-WIKINOW.

On “Happy Holidays” and “War”…

Today, on December 23, 2011, I am wishing all those who care to read this “Happy Holidays” (or even “Season’s Greetings”).

I know that this expression has come under fire in recent years by some who feel that there is a “war” against their particular holiday of choice…there isn’t.

“Happy Holidays” is an acknowledgement that there are other festivals around this same time that others hold dear, and for brevity’s sake, rather than list them all out ad infinitem in some clunky or awkward greeting to those with whom we converse, we simply shorten it to “Happy Holidays”.

Other than those who stand to profit from such insanity, who really wants a “war” on anything?

It seems antithetical to me that those truly “religious” amongst us who see this time of year as a time of peace and “good will”, view the statement “Happy Holidays” as a means of “war”. War comes from within – who is truly at war here?

So if there really isn’t a war on one’s chosen lighting the darkness, Winter solstice-centered holiday, why use the term “war”?

Perhaps it’s just my own limited viewpoint, but it would seem to me that using the term “war” is a form of sensationalism, rhetoric and/or propaganda used to incite, divide and polarize the population just for ratings and personal gain.  How “religious” is that?

Furthermore, isn’t dividing a tactic commonly used by those who chose to conquer?  If so, who are you truly trying to conquer?

The war here, friends, becomes not a war on religion, but a war on people, who chose to express their own right of freedom of religion.

The question then becomes, how do we respond to those who declare war upon us?

We have only three choices:

1. Actively resist through violent means
2. Passively resist through peaceful means, or
3. Ignore the situation and pretend it doesn’t exist

Whether you identify with being “religious”, “pious”, “devout”, “spiritual” or “none of the above”, which of these would you choose?

I know my choice (can you guess which?) and wish you Happy Holidays, Season’s Greetings and peace on earth.

All my best,

Adam

VIDEO: The Brian Setzer Orchestra – Winter Wonderland

VIDEO:  Dave Edmunds – Run Run Rudolph

VIDEO:  Adam Sandler – The Hanukkah Song